His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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