i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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