Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
