Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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