I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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