How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
