i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Randomize
