I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
