I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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