she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
