bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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