best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
