So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have aggressive nipples.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
