The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
