I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
