I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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