I saw his package. It spoke to me.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
