matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
