guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
