question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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