I wanna passion pit in your ass
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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