Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
