i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
