i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
