2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
