just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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