someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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