DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
