i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
