I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
there was a trapeze. enough said
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
