well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He felt like a one man threesome
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
