I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
