I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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