I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
