And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
