There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
