her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
