his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
