he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
