he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
