I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
