who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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