Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
