Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
