doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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