Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
