if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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