Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
