Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
