very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
