wat bout pragnant strippers??
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
